Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna come to town.
Oh, they're gonna kill the babies; Oh, they're gonna make you drowned in your blood.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna mince the flesh.
They're gonna swim up and surround you; Don't you know you'll never pass the test, it's over.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they don't care about the gods.
And they don't care about the families
And they don't care about the cries or tears they're killers.
Matthew Revert5.0 Basal Ganglia casts an unsettling spell, but one that in its aphoristic intensity and lightning-flash insights into human loneliness and connection, achieves a genuine empathic wisdom." - SERGIO DE LA PAVA, author of A Naked Singularity
"Matthew Revert is one of the visionaries. What else can you say?" - SCOTT MCCLANAHAN, author of Hill William and Crapalachia
As teenagers, two lovers, Rollo and Ingrid, escape the world as it is known to live underground in a sprawling pillow fort that mirrors the structure of the human brain. Construction of the fort takes 25 years and once complete, their life exists to honor the fort in all it requires. Basal Ganglia begins countless years after they have become enslaved to the fort process. Rollo and Ingrid have lost any connection to their pasts and each other. Nothing exists beyond the patterns required by the fort. In an effort to become more than stasis, Ingrid expresses her desire to have a baby. Not wanting to subject another human to their strange world, she decides she will knit the baby using materials Rollo gathers from the fort. The emergence of this baby leads to paranoia between Rollo and Ingrid with both believing the other means the child harm. Within the confines of their cloistered world, the two engage in psychological warfare, desperately searching for a conclusion they don't understand. As a result, they will find connection with their past, each other and the true nature of their identities.
Карлтон Меллик III0.0 From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland , comes a dystopian nightmare of epic proportions. "You must never leave the nursery. If you leave, you will certainly die." Tick and Polly have never met their parents before. They live in the same house with them, they dream about them every night, they share the same flesh and blood, yet for some reason their parents have never found the time to visit them even once since they were born. Living in a dark corner of their parents' vast crumbling mansion, the children long for the day when they will finally be held in their mother's loving arms for the first time... But that day seems to never come. They worry their parents have long since forgotten about them. When the machines that provide them with food and water stop functioning, the children are forced to venture out of the nursery to find their parents on their own. But the rest of the house is much larger and stranger than they ever could have imagined. The maze-like hallways are dark and seem to go on forever, deranged creatures lurk in every shadow, and the bodies of long-dead children litter the abandoned storerooms. Every minute out of the nursery is a constant battle for survival. And the deeper into the house they go, the more they must unravel the mysteries surrounding their past and the world they've grown up in, if they ever hope to meet the parents they've always longed to see. Like a survival horror rendition of Flowers in the Attic , Carlton Mellick III's Quicksand House is his most gripping and sincere work to date.
Steve Lowe0.0 "Why you are sloth? Because fuck you is why! HAHAHAHAHA!!1!"
That's the last response you got from The Spammer, who's developed an insidious computer virus that transforms people into their power animals. You never should have opened that email from the Philippino Sherriff's Attaché to East Berlin. So many missed warning signs there, but you were drunk last night. Things have been rough lately - you can't pay your rent, your neighbors are annoying, you keep getting strange calls from horny guys with unique and unsettling fetishes, you're way behind with work, and your computer is suddenly crapping out on you. And now you're a goddamn sloth. Nice going, genius. But there's more at play here than simple animal hijinks. You've been added to the Homeland Security Terror Watch List, and the cops want to question you about the mysterious disappearances of several gay men, who all seem to have called your phone just before they vanished. Not only has this Spammer fuck turned you into a sloth, he's framed your slow ass, too! You've had enough of this shit. With the help of your neighbors, Cross the Asshole and Randy the Retard, you form the SLOTH SQUAD. It's time to track that Spammer down and reap some three-toed vengeance on his ass.
M.P. Johnson0.0 What’s a farm boy to do when his pet pig becomes an evil, decaying hunk of ham with slime-spewing psychic powers?
After Daryl Malone absconds to Green Bay with the remains of his pet, Pork Knuckles, strange things start to happen. Why is everyone around him so hungry for ham? And why is green ooze pouring from their orifices? When he finds the answer to these questions, he’s forced to choose between his best buddy and a family that has only existed on the periphery of his life. That choice will send him and the ones he loves barreling nonstop through a labyrinth of cannibal hippies, Nazi flies, rabid drag queens, brawling grizzlies and punk rock muck fests.
Garrett Cook0.0 "One part Doctor Who, one part Hustler Magazine, and the most fun you'll have reading cosmic smut."
- Jeff Burk, author of Shatnerquake
"A wonderfully ridiculous book . . . delivers imagination balanced by genuinely caring and adept writing."
- Kris Saknussemm, author of The Humble Assessment
The Time Pimp has been saving the galaxy by getting history's most important figures laid. From Caligula to Teddy Roosevelt, the Time Pimp has rolled up to the scene in his interstellar purple Cadillac and got them some ass. But a new power threatens the future of the Time Pimp - The Morality Front, a prudish force hell-bent on imposing its values on the galaxy. With the aid of the Death Pimp they will stop at nothing to end Free Love across time and space.
But the Time Pimp ain't taking no shit from these jive-ass turkeys!
Стивен Грэм Джонс0.0 If you've never been inside a giant space lobster, well. I don't recommend it.
"Mixing doughnuts and the walking dead proves to be a deadly combination in Stephen Graham Jones' latest novel, Zombie Bake-Off, a slim volume of experimental fiction that wastes no time or word count on superfluous detail or arbitrary introspective riff-raff. Jones constructs a bare-bones horror tale by combining clever, offbeat humor with a familiar, yet unpredictable plot." -RUE MORGUE on "Zombie Bake-Off" by Stephen Graham Jones
"Much like the mad-but-brilliant scientists in this collection's titular story, Jones has created the tales here with experimental glee, yielding an astonishing assortment of mutated manuscripts. The investigational 'Let's see what happens' mentality at play in this collection means that the story about gigantic soul-storing moonshrimp will also be told by a dime store P.I. It means that elderly love and parenting are monster-mashed to deeper meaning. It means Kafka goes corporate inspector, basset hounds get sexy, and the aliens are popping up everywhere. It means you'll get your Raymond Carver via dog food therapy and the Please-Let-It-Just-Fucking-Die world of zombie fiction gets repurposed twice in beautifully heart-rending ways. And yeah, there are hamsters. I'll just say it-Jones went off the deep end this time. But it's thrilling to watch an artist dive into their mind's Marianas Trench and return with exploding oceanic oddities-Coltrane going from devilish smooth to full-stellar squonk, Aphex Twin going from ambient pharmacist to robot brain-masher. And here: Intrepid Writer Stephen Graham Jones going from the assured, human horror of earlier collection THE ONES THAT GOT AWAY to the outstanding aberrations of ZOMBIE SHARKS WITH METAL TEETH."
-From the introduction by Jeremy Robert Johnson, author of "We Live Inside You"
Douglas Hackle0.0 Within the whacked-out worlds of these twisted tales, only one thing remains the same:
Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown…
When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it’s never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter’s The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch’s The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.
These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.
Danger Slater0.0 Ladies and gentleworms, gargoyles and girls – do you have the mettle to step up and peer into the mouth of mayhem, incongruity, shock and perversion? A trio of taint-tingling tales await you between these covers. Your taint will tingle. On your taint. The taint is that area between your balls and asshole, in case you didn’t know. Is it tingling yet? Good. Now let these three twisted novellas forever change your pathetic little life:
KNIGHTS OF THE WHITE CASTLE – An inter-dimensional tale of hamburgers, hubris and science gone mad!
SOMNAMBULANT – Terrorists, movie stars, and blue whales converge in this story about a dude who’s really just trying to get a good night’s sleep.
ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME & ME – A computer malfunction sends a lone astronaut spiraling across the cosmos. Will he save mankind or just masturbate a lot?
Карлтон Меллик III0.0 Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads. Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you've probably never heard of... even though you definitely should. "Hammer Wives" collects six of his most popular novelettes and short stories, including:
SIMPLE MACHINES
A man discovers that his body is actually a machine run by dozens of miniature clones of himself.
RED WORLD
A recovering junky must save his 8-year-old brother from a life of prostitution in a surreal version of New York City... a place where street kids mutate into fish-like creatures, the homeless stilt-walk through oceans of insects, and the only colors left visible to the human eye are shades of red.
HAMMER WIVES
A young man inherits ten eternally youthful wives from an estranged uncle he never knew he had... which wouldn't have been such a bad thing if they didn't have giant hammers for heads or a tendency of bludgeoning people to death for fun, food, or sexual pleasure.
LEMON KNIVES 'N' COCKROACHES
Cockroach-like children survive the zombie apocalypse by hiding between the walls of on old school building.
WAR PIG
In a steam-powered underworld, a bloodthirsty pig-man boxer will sacrifice everything to prevent his son from following in his footsteps.
THE MAN WITH THE STYROFOAM BRAIN
The recently departed reflect on the stupid reasons why they sold their souls to the devil.
