Джилл Симс — библиография

It's time for a w(h)ine
'Oh, for f*ck's sake' muttered Claire under her breath, as she opened the fridge to see what she could find for a no effort dinner. The children continued to fight behind her. They regarded any form of fish not encased in breadcrumbs as toxic, and were resistant enough to the delicious homemade fishfingers Claire had made for them, insisting they much preferred Captain Birdseye's version. White wine was starting to look like quite an appealing dinner actually. Maybe just a small glass.
'Are you having wine, Mum? You know you're not supposed to have wine every night. We did about alcohol units at school. That's quite a big glass of wine, how many units do you think are in it?'
'Bet the bastards didn't tell you that wine is remarkably good at cancelling out whining though, did they?' muttered Claire.
Claire's family has gone nuclear. Her precious moppets keep calling Childline when she feeds them broccoli, she's utterly Ottolenghied out at weekends, and her darling husband is having an affair with her best friend.
The question isn't whether she needs a glass of wine, but is there one big enough?
Enter the Sauvignon Sisterhood, a new set of friends brought together by a shared love of liquid therapy. Together they might just be able to convince Claire that, like a good bottle of red, life really can get better with age. Or at least there's more to it than the joy of an M&S non-iron school uniform.

Tuesday 8th September
First day back at school. I am going to 100% nail being a school mummy this year. I can totally do this. Yes, this year is definitely going to be much better - I am absolutely not going to shout at the children, let them stuff their faces with crisps or goggle away on the iPad. And I most certainly will not slump on the sofa at the end of the day, glugging wine and muttering 'FML' repeatedly.
Unfortunately I have not yet actually managed to buy the bento boxes for their lunches or book jiu jitsu lessons, and I will have to learn to like green tea, as it is foul, and I have not yet mastered French plaits, but I am quietly confident that these are mere details in my grand master plan…
It is Mummy's 39th birthday. She is staring down the barrel of a future of people asking if she wants to come to their advanced yoga classes, and polite book clubs where everyone claims to be tiddly after a glass of Pinot Grigio and says things like 'Oooh gosh, are you having another glass?'
But Mummy does not want to go quietly into that good night of women with sensible haircuts who 'live for their children' and stand in the playground trying to trump each other with their offspring's extracurricular activities and achievements, and boasting about their latest holidays.
Instead, she clutches a large glass of wine, muttering 'FML' over and over again. Until she remembers the gem of an idea she's had…

Эллен так долго была мамой и женой, что полностью растерялась. И несмотря на ее титанические усилия, ни один из обожаемых членов ее семьи так и не знает, где в доме искать корзину для грязного белья, или в чем разница между скукой и голодом, или что фраза "Мамочка, я никак не могу этого найти" - совсем не то же самое, что активные поиски! Полностью одурев от школьных экзаменов деток и испытаний в автошколе, она делает все возможное и невозможное, чтобы удержать свою семью на плаву, даже когда каждый тянет одеяло на себя и норовит улизнуть в нежелательном направлении - не забывая потребовать у нее сверток с бутербродами и яблоком поутру. Она чувствует себя восьмируким, но недооцененным индийским божеством.
Единственное, что мама знает наверняка, - чем старше дети, тем крупнее бокал нужно запасти. Смешное и лирическое завершение серии маминых откровений.

I just want them to stop wittering at me, eat vegetables without complaining, let me go to the loo in peace and learn to make a decent gin and tonic. It genuinely never occurred to me when they were little that this would ever end - an eternity of Teletubbies and Duplo and In The Night Bastarding Garden and screaming, never an end in sight. But now there is. And despite the busybody old women who used to pop up whenever I was having a bad day and tell me I would miss these days when they were over, I don't miss those days at all. I have literally never stood wistfully in the supermarket and thought 'Oh, how I wish someone was trailing behind me constantly whining 'Mummy, can I have, Mummy can I have?' while another precious moppet tries to climb out the trolley so they land on their head and we end up in A Again. Mummy has been a wife and mother for so long that she's a little bit lost. And despite her best efforts, her precious moppets still don't know the location of the laundry basket, the difference between being bored and being hungry, or that saying 'I can't find it Mummy' is not the same as actually looking for it. Amidst the chaos of A-Levels and driving tests, she's doing her best to keep her family afloat, even if everybody is set on drifting off in different directions, and that one of those directions is to make yet another bloody snack. She's feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated, and the only thing that Mummy knows for sure is that the bigger the kids, the bigger the drink.  

Issi on V?ga T?htis Mees ja talle meeldivad tehnikavidinad. Ja tema kuur. Lapsed Peter ja Jane istuvad lakkamatult m?ne ekraani taga, ning kui nad seda ei tee, ?ritavad nad teineteist ?ra tappa ja ajavad emmet hulluks.On emme 39. s?nnip?ev. Tema ees seisab lohutu pilt tulevikust, t?is inimesi, kes kutsuvad teda edasij?udnute joogasse, ning ontlikke raamatuklubisid, kus iga?ks v?idab end olevat svipsis p?rast esimest klaasi veini ja ?tleb asju nagu „Isver, kas sa jood t?esti veel ?he?“.Aga emme ei taha seda k?ike! Ta ei taha, et temast saaks ?ks neist m?istliku soenguga naistest, kes „elavad oma laste jaoks“ ja kiitlevad v?sukeste erikuradieriliste kooliv?liste tegevuste ja „saavutustega“ ning hooplevad puhkusereisidega. Selle asemel haarab ta suure klaasi veini ning saadab k?ik perse. Kuni talle meenub idee, mis talle k?rtsis juua t?is peaga tuli …Gill Sims peab tohutult populaarset lastekasvatusblogi ja Facebooki lehte „Peter ja Jane“. Ta elab Šotimaal koos abikaasa, kahe lapse ja varjupaigast v?etud kasvatamatu borderterjeriga. Gilli hobid on veinijoomine, aja raiskamine sotsiaalmeedias, katsed taas l?bi elada oma kadunud noorust ning koera otsimine, kui see on j?rjekordselt otsustanud oma asju ajama minna.

Tere tulemast emme maailma!Emme r?blikust poeg Peter on oma iPhone’iga kokku kasvanud, nagu ?hendaks neid naban??r. Puberteediikka j?udnud Jane on v?tnud kindlalt p?he Instagramis staariks saada. Issi k?ib aga aina tihedamini eksootilistel ?rireisidel …Pinged emme abielus kasvavad, lapsed muutuvad aina p??rasemaks ja maja kipub igast otsast lagunema. Ainult Judgy, Uhke ja ?llas Terjer, j??b ustavaks. Lisaks ootavad emmet uued v?ljakutsed, sest ta asub t??le trendikas start-up’is. Lisaks sellele, et 42aastasena pole kuigi lihtne kott-toolist mingigi v??rikusega p?sti saada, on ta endast suutnud j?tta kolleegidele (kogemata) mulje kui vallalisest peoloomast, kes elab ?ksnes t??le ja l?budele ega tea midagi lastekasvatamise muredest ja r??mudest.Kas emme tuleb toime? Kas ta suudab s?ilitada ma-olen-nii-lahe fassaadi t??l ja hoida pere koos? Ja mis veel olulisem, kas ta leiab aega m?ne l?dvestava veiniklaasi jaoks?Kuramuse t?en?oliselt mitte. J?rg raamatule “Miks emme joob”